...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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