Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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