Will you blow on my dice?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I just had sex on a roof
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
