You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
