I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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