I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
