There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
