That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
