You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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