Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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