OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
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