garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
