take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
