operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
