Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
