I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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