i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
