I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize