i already hear my dad disowning me
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
