I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
