Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
