It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
