I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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