I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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