We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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