You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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