Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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