when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
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