so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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