I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
