yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Randomize
