sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
