did you get engaged???
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
