Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
