We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
