I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
