FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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