She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
