Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
