My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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