Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
