btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Send help, water and tortillas.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
