Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
