Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
