Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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