you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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