it's too hot outside to masturbate.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
