From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
