What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
