genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
We need a shit load of segways right now
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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