My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
