all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
