do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
