Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
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I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
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Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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