you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
