Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
