...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
