After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
