Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
