I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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