those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
