3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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