I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
