i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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