where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
