I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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