She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
