Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
