I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
