Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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