he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
