I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
