Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
