Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
