cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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