You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
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will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
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I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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