I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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