GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
