I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
