So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
