guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize