I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
What drink are we having for lunch?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
