My nipple is on Facebook.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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