Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
