He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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