I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize