So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
