Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Randomize
